Adrift in a sea of douche-baggery...

[After discussing this with the others, we decided that this post would be better spread over two or three sections, instead of one giant post. So, enjoy part one now, and look for part(s) 2 (and three) in the near future]

A brief disclaimer:
I’ll go ahead and say it—I’m pretty much a complete asshole. A lot of the things I think about people are solely attributable to the fact that I am pessimistic and mean. Now on with the show…

I am in awe of the plethora of complete and total idiots in this supposed institution of higher learning. Furthermore, this is no mere undergraduate collegiate assembly we are part of. This is Law School, which is purported to house the smartest of the smart students. If the above is true, then in reality, I must be in a mental institution strapped to a bed and heavily medicated for psychotic delusions in an unsuccessful attempt to dissuade this horrible alternate reality. Truly, I would almost rather this all be in my head, because then the pain I feel every time some of these people speak would be imaginary as well, and maybe the drugs will work some day… Alas, this is not the case and my reality is indeed the reality.

Please find attached a list of general complaints regarding the asinine comments and general stupidity of aforementioned classmates:

There is one guy who always has to comment on the class discussion, but who is never right, and only in two particular classes. He will one day be the world’s be defense attorney (in his mind). In reality, he will be the world’s be used car salesman. What baffles me is that in two of our classes, you simply cannot get him to shut up. He will talk over and continually interrupt people who are presenting assigned work. Again—he is never right. If called on in the other two classes, however, he is completely lost, blatantly looking at his neighbor’s computers trying to find the answer. They offer him no help. He is always at least 5 minutes late to class—every class—but that will be discussed in another post. His views are often based on misreadings of the text and complete misapplication of law, but he will do whatever it takes to get you in this car today.

Another person whose physical proximity and classroom contributions metaphorically chap me in unfortunate areas is, as another student politely put it, “a pompous asshole.” I have recently relaxed my intense dislike for this person as I have come to find that his ridiculous comments in class and general absurd nature are attributable to a complete lack of any sort of social awareness or understanding whatsoever. Where I once found disdain I now find comic relief. I have his hand-raise perfected to the highest art of imitation. I am (as he would certainly tell you) a better person for knowing him, but will never be able to achieve his greatness. I thank God every night before I go to bed that he gifted this classmate his incredible knowledge which he imparts to me on a daily basis. Were it not for this student, I would most certainly fail out of Law School—he is the one thing keeping me answering correctly.

[To be continued]

The Queen Doth Speaketh

So a couple of weeks ago, the four of us were at a law school party held by one of our buddies at his house across town. The crowd grew quickly and consisted of a pretty diverse group of 1L’s, 2L’s and 3L’s. The four of us were standing around nursing our foamy beers next to the keg when the aforementioned 2L “Queen of the Law School” ventures over in our direction from the “upperclassmen” beer-pong table holding an empty pitcher. She is dressed in her normal whorish garb (previously discussed by John) and has a very condescending tone in her voice when she barks: “Fill this up and bring it back to the beer-pong table”

This was not a polite request to four people that she had never met before, this was a rude demand to four 1L’s whom she felt to be her subordinate. We of course laughed at this “request” only to fill up the pitcher to then fill our own beers. We left it lying on one of the lawn chairs filled with only foam and our resent. Fifteen minutes or so later, the Queen charged in our direction demanding to know what had happened to the pitcher and why her demand had gone unfulfilled. We just smiled and pointed to the empty pitcher on the lawn chair. By her reaction, this is the first time in her life that her demands had gone unmet. She stormed off handing the pitcher to one of her minions, who immediately obliged.

We stood around contemplating the motives behind her actions for the rest of the night coming up with two distinct possibilities:
(1) She felt that she could tell us what to do because we were lowly 1L’s. She (being a 2L) is superior to us because of her successful (I assume successful) completion of her first year of law school, which gives her the authority to be a complete bitch.
(2) She felt that she could tell us what to do because she thought we were pathetic enough to succumb to her slutty disposition. Despite her admitted nice body, all attractiveness is gone when you hear this girl talk.

One positive comes from this experience… I learned that once you’ve completed your first year of law school, you are a badass and can boss around anyone who hasn’t. I’m currently counting down the days until I can be a complete asshole.

Descriptions cont'd

11. Prima Donna- this is that upperclassman chick who reigns as the law school queen. She was probably a high school cheerleader or captain of the dance team. She is good looking up until the moment she opens her mouth. She is obnoxiously loud. Her wardrobe is questionable and revealing. Every other student is just a subject to the queen of the law school. If you choose to go against her, you will be made into the queen's court fool. Even though it probably isn’t fair, she will probably do well in life. Not because she is smart or skilled (at law), but she’ll get hired by a big time firm and sleep her way to the top.

12. the drama queens- Sadly enough, this can be either a guy or a girl. They loved high school and especially the high school drama. Since law school is exactly like high school, these people are in their element. Common phrases from the drama queens, "did you hear who hooked up with who?" or they might come up to you and say, "you'll never guess what so n' so said about you." If there is no drama, they'll make some. For future law students, avoid these people, and don't turn into one.

13. 'MRS.' J.D.'s- This one is pretty self explanatory. These are the girls that failed to get their MRS degree in undergrad. So they decided to spend $1,000's more of daddy's hard earned money to find themselves the next big lawyer/husband in law school. They usually lack any ambition to actually graduate from law school.

14. the coolest 3L ever- Congrats to you Mr. cool guy. After being made fun for the past 2 years by your classmates because you are a total lame ass, you have decided to adopt all the new 1L's and take them under your wing. You enjoy talking about how cool you are, how you are going to work for your daddy's firm in nowhere, Mississippi once you pass the bar. You constantly are hitting on the 1L girls, yet making no progress. If only we could all be as cool as you are. I guess we all can't be winners. Here’s to you…Mr. coolest 3L ever.

and to end on a positive note...

15. Mr. Cool- This is that 3L who is cool as shit. Women love him, men want to be him. He is known by all, but has enough humbleness to not be an arrogant a-hole. Professors and administrators love him. He is the perfect student recruiter. If you have the chance to get to know and be buddies with Mr. Cool and if you don't, you're an idiot. He is buddies with everyone. He is being recruited by all the big firms, but isn’t throwing it in everyone else’s face. He is cool.

random IM conversation

An exert from an IM conversation during an early Friday morning class.

John: i'm really starting to hate our class
Pat: it's friday
Pat: might need to get legitimately drunk tonight
John: i agree

(10 minute lapse)

John: some of these people are really grating on my nerves
(in reference to 'know it alls' who keep raising their hands to volunteer useless info)
Pat: geez... i thought this was one of the easier cases... he's getting very detailed
(in reference to the prof shortly after being asked abunch of stupid questions by the know it alls)
John: i'm drifting in and out

What’s in a name?

Now for some more background on a different subject. Our name, though it may seem, was not haphazardly chosen. The phrase means pretty much what it sounds like—there’s no great secret meaning—but I thought it would be a good idea to explain the reasoning behind it. At risk of disclosing the degree of my dork-hood, Black’s Law Dictionary defines a Limited-Liability Partnership as “a partnership in which a partner is not liable for a negligent act committed by another partner…” and a partnership as “a voluntary association of two or more persons who jointly own and carry out a business for profit." The limited-liability part just seemed like a good idea given that we are different people and have different ideas—you wouldn’t claim someone else’s idea as your own, why should you reap the results thereof? Partnership is also fairly obvious, but there is an addition in the legal definition that some people don’t always consider—a business for the purposes of gaining profit. We aren’t a business per se, but we do gain a profit from our publication and the sharing of our ideas. Our posting is its own reward—as mentioned, we pretty much just venting anyway…

Who the hell are we and why should you care??

To give you a little background information, we are four first year law students at a medium sized law school in a medium sized city. We are pretty normal guys and have pretty common reasons for coming to law school. We all went to undergrad together and are pretty good friends, and sarcastic smartasses.

We have changed our names and will change the names of any people we talk about so as not to offend anyone. We are looking at this as a way to vent about the stressful rat-race of law school.... nothing more, nothing less

Why should you care? Well, you probably shouldn't. But if you do end up reading along, let us know. If you're going through LS and have good stories to tell, send them our way and we'll put them on the blog. From what we gather, LS pretty much sucks for everyone, everywhere, so let's at least try and tolerate it.

Descriptions of 1L's

In my first few months of law school, I've noticed that there are general molds of the types of law students. Below is a list of what I have observed and their description.

1. the story tellers- this is that student that has had the worst life ever imaginable, and has to tell you ever sob story that has happened to them. Or this is that student that has to relate, (even if it doesn't relate) to everything a professor says. "medical malpractice, oh i used to work in a hospital before law school, and one time blah blah etc." Most people go to all costs to avoid conversation with a story teller. Sometimes a hybrid of the story teller will emerge, the false story teller. This person will make up anything just to sound cool or fit in.

2. the dorks- fairly self explanatory. if you don't know what a dork is, you probably are one, and i'm not sorry if you are offended. They are everywhere and seem to be reproducing at a rapid rate.

3. the drunk - every starting class has at least one. this the guy or girl that is somehow extremely smart and resourceful but is always drinking, drunk, or hungover. This student is always rallying people to go out and drink on a random week night. He or she will stumble in every morning to class at 8 or 9 still drunk or really hungover, having no clue what the assigned reading was. Somehow or other, they always know the right answers when called on. The drunk loves to stir up high school drama, probably to pass the boredom of soberness.

4. the flipper(s)- these are those students that 'flip out' over anything. Common phrases that are heard from the flippers are, "OMG!!! our finals are in 3 1/2 months, and i have only bought 4 of the outlines the book store offers for my torts class!" or "i've been in the library till 2 am every night since orientation prepping for finals." Ofcourse, this mentality is contagious, and all of the 'flippers' friends start flipping out too. Any time a person tries to have a normal conversation with a flipper, it immediately turns into, "OMG, how far have you gotten in your contracts outline, cause i'm so far behind!!"

5. the smokers- these are the students that smoke before and after every class. They have a certain spot outside, their own smokers sanctuary. They are usually pessimistic about everything, "screw the brief, i hate school." The pessimism usually vanishes after they have smoked half a pack. If you sit next to a smoker, i'm sorry, they always smell.

6. the sorostitutes- these are those group of girls that were probably really big into their sorority back in undergrad. They really miss all the social cliques, twisters, pledge swaps, etc. This group is very tight, not many people get invited into this group. They still try to keep up the elitist image, the "i'm cooler cause i have 3 greek letters after my name." Usually during casual conversation, you'll hear phrases like, "oh, i'm dating a beta" or "i just got engaged (flashing ring in face) to John Doe, he's a Kappa Fag at the University of Awesomeness." They wear to class those t-shirts that look like beer or liquor logos but have greek letters all over them that they probably got at some frat party. They are all about social circles, excluding certain people if you don't fit the mold, and they love doing that false annoying laugh in front of 3L ex-frattys. They'll all run for some SGA or SBA or Honors Council position because their self worth depends on the approval of their peers, (winning the election). They also like to walk into the classroom on their cellphone, probably talking to a celebrity or someone important.

7. the fratty- this guy is 'that guy.' He is notoriously late all the time. He still wears his sunglasses with thick croakie around his neck. He is in desperate need of a haircut. Sear sucker shorts (that are too short), and frat/sorority formal t-shirts are his uniform. He's all about mackin on the sorositutes, but usually doesn't do very well. He is usually a loner, mainly because no other fratty shares his letters. He likes to raise his hand and volunteer in class alot, just to brown nose, although he usually doesn't make much sense. Most of the fratty's in law school have dad's that are ambulance chaser lawyers back home. So you can imagine the "i know everything" attitude they carry with them.

8. the geriatrics- not too many of these in a standard 1L class, but they are around. These are those trying to start a new carrier. They are at least 35 or older. They have worked for awhile, probably have young kids. They struggle fitting in with younger students. Most people are polite to them and they are polite back. They usually have a strong work ethic but struggle getting back into 'study' mode. They are above all the social ladders that people like the sorostitutes build. They are usually only spotted at school, never at parties or other social events. For the most part they are cool. But occassionally they can be condescending. A common syptom of theirs is to brown nose the professors.

9. I went to Undergrad here!- You can't escape this person. "i went to undergrad here, i know all there is to know about everything there is to know." This is that guy or girl who thrived in the undergrad system. They are the self declared 'cool' kid. They try to talk to everyone, even though everyone tries to avoid talking to them. They know all about the culture of the school and talk about, "when i was in undergrad here..." Very annoying kids, very immature. Most days, it is a battle to not yell at them to "shut the hell up!"

Look for part 2, coming soon.

Disclaimer...

At the risk of coming across as whiny, self-absorbed, insecure little girls, we have decided to start a blog chronicalling our time and experiences during law school.

It might just be the four of us reading this, but if you stumble across it and have any questions, feel free to e-mail us at: LLPblog@gmail.com

In the interest of not offending anyone, our names have been changed as will the names of any people we mention in our posts